That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
