Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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