I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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