So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
