WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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