True but thats because hes a fetus.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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