He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
