She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
