I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Alive.
So much puke
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
