I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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