Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
