My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize