I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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