just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
