i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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