dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Is it because I queefed?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
