If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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