On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
