The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize