A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
