guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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