Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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