After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
