I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
