dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We left the knife in your bed.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
