Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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