how can u be prego again
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
