I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
