the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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