are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
