I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize