hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
