me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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