my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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