I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
