Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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