Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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