Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
