I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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