i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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