i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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