I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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