my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
