The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
