I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
