so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my shit smells like andre
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize