An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
