Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
