glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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