walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
