U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
