i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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