Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
