Redeem this text for a blowjob
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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