Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize