oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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