I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
