Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
