He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize