the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
