I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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