It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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