summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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