I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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