he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
