Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
