check it out our google latitudes are spooning
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
