Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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