this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
