Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
