I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
