I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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