I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
