i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
