K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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