so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
