apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
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