don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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